Right before the summer heat overcook my mind, I just got the urge to summarize the past 6-month self-recovering/discovering journey back in Toronto here and now.
Probably this is gonna be my first blog consisting of long sentences in the form of paragraphs. I found out that I can never write things in a logical/chronologically way. Lack of organizational skills in speech and writing, it’s quite unnatural for me to tell a story in a pretty way. Anyway, people who have met me know I frown a lot when I talk because I wasn’t even sure if I can express and share my feeling with at least 80% accuracy to match up what I really want to delivery indeed.
First and most of all, I finally get real with life and slowly dragged myself out of this vicious cycle and kicked off a healthy momentum. It took me several months respectively to develop various habits that made my lifestyle sustainable, stable, active, minimal, more liberated and have much better concentration skills. As one of my friends said, “LIVE SIMPLE”. The law or absolute truth as I would call it to live simple is to simply EAT WELL, EXERCISE WELL AND SLEEP WELL. These are the three essential pillars for establishing a healthy body-mind-soul lifestyle in a long-run.
I’ve been on various kinds of diets for over 10 years. Always struggling with my body weight and body image. Food is the number one source of stress. I was always a lean girl until I came to Canada facing all the language stress. I couldn’t speak or understand a single word at that time except acing the exam. Plus the bonus of discrimination encountered at school, I turned into junk food for comfortable naturally. Within a year, my weight went from 55kg to 72.5kg. My hormones were out of wack and my period stopped for a year and ever since then it’s always irregular. The stress of weight sneaked into all aspects of my life. Food just brings me fear and guilt, and yes I do binge eating a lot a lot a lot of times. There were so many times I had to kneel down under the table during the meal because my stomach was in pain and I wasn’t able sit or lie down. Despite the physical discomfort, I kept eating and crying at the same time. Tear didn’t taste good with whatever meal I binged on. Eating food is never a wholesome pleasure for me. Last month I’m finally sick of this food panic and decided to quit all sorts of diets. During this half year spent in Toronto, I’ve tried different eating patterns and finally I’m in tune with my body and my inner cues of hunger and fullness. At least for over ten years, I can’t tell if my body is hungry or full because when I feel full, it’s when my stomach feels pain and calling a quit. But i still stuff food in to punish myself. Anyway, for people who never suffer eating disorder, they will never know the pain. For people who have done it, they know how tough it is to quit the “dieting” thinking. Food is drug and you have to face it three times a day because you need to survive. I stopped labelling food as good and bad, and practice intuitive eating. Long story short, life is short, treat your body with dignity and respect.
Nowadays I cook three times a day. My stomach is happy. So is my mind.
I do morning jogging 5 times a week, 4km per day. I have never thought this simple act could do me so much favor. It eradicates the toxic stuff out of my body and mind. Exercise regularly had absolutely reset my body and its self-regulating system. I can really listen to my body now and know what it wants and needs. Exercise is not just for weight loss. I didn’t lose a single pound but my stamina increased so much and my sleeping quality improved dramatically. I still sleep 5hrs per day but I am able to sleep around at midnight without waking up feeling sluggish. Also, my memory and concentration skills improved. I have much more mental strength to put into my creative work rather than max out my willpower to reject food temptation which is available everywhere.
I found out that if i eat well, i have the strength and motivation to exercise well. And if I exercise well, for sure I will have a sound sleep. And if I sleep well, the next day I automatically want to eat well. It took me so many years to realize this simple rule. I was so stupid and so stubborn to get out of my own way of thinking.
As a wholesome being, I have never felt this energetic and liberated before. This June is great and I was puzzled where did all my stress and self-claimed depression go. They disappeared miraculously.
It’s so dump to reply on medicines to cure problems. Our bodies are capable of self-healing and all we need to do is to practice these three steps, with patience. (Changes take months to happen. Don’t rush). There is absolutely no need to rely on external sources. All the goodness are all within us.
For the rest of 2018, my keywords will be: Active, minimal, long-term thinking, sustainable, and simple.